This quote makes all the sense in the world to me. I feel like society covers up the fact that we are individuals and we should express ourselves as such. Life is constantly shifting and shaping around us and every little thing defines who we are and how our lives will run. There is a reason for everything and the smallest change in your normal routine can change a lot. I'm constantly pushing to try new things and open my eyes to the world around me. I feel as though lately i have had my eyes shut to the outside world and i need to re-open them so my mind can begin branching out once again. Each day I'm thinking and the gears in my head are turning. I'm realizing larger goals of mine in life than getting honor role and getting a job. Now that iv completed these goals I realize how trivial they really are.
I'm focusing my attention to the bigger goals i have for my future, by thinking about college and what i want to do with my life. I'v wanted to always become a pilot. Although i have a lazy eye. To fly planes you need to have at least 20/25. When visiting an eye doctor back in october i was told nothing can be done to help it. The doctor i saw was a mall eycare center optometrist. Recently i made an appointment with an expensive specialist nearby. I want to see if Lasic is a possibility. If not I need to direct my attention to a more realistic dream.
As for other things, since my recent breakup I'v been recovering well. I realized that how bad he's been treating me. So i may be venting here a bit. I never got to know him well enough when i went out with him. I knew he had liked me while he was dating someone else. He used me to get out of that relationship with her. I only was hearing the part where he liked me. When he broke up with his Girlfriend he made it so i had to break up with my own boyfriend at the same time. It wasnt anything serious and im kind of thankful i got out of that relationship. Although he used to guilt trip me if i hung out with friends. Or he would get paranoid i was cheating on him all the time. It used to make me pretty upset. He always seemed close my best friend as well, he would always text her, give her rides, etc. When i got paranoid he would get mad because I didn't trust him. He used to always reassure me otherwise but then everytime i turned around he did something sketchy. I had little trust for him but i couldn't leave him. Eventually I had to tip-toe around him to keep from hurting him. So i never hung out with my friends and a lot of them stopped speaking to me. He was controlling. He drove me into a deppression. I stayed with him because i thought i could change him but i couldn't. He eventually left me because i was bringing him down. But he was the cause of it.
He is definitely dating my best friend now. But I have moved on for sure. I'm a bit afraid of the decision iv made to commit myself into another relationship, but high school is too short and I don't wanna miss a chance of being with someone great because I'm afraid of being hurt again. He seems really great, and I'm pretty sure he likes me a lot. So i'v got my fingers crossed hoping that he'll treat me well and I'll be doing my best to treat him well. I really do not want to have a very sexual relationship. But that is what i told myself with the last. I guess it's only human to have urges to have sex. But if this guy likes me enough he'll respect my decisions and ideals.
We're really only born with very few things that truly do belong to us. Our bodies, and our minds. One thing commonly forgotten is our virginity. To some people it's a big deal and to others it's not. For me i never thought it was ever something spiritual and amazing, only church-going boys and girls believe that. I knew that if i felt like someone could really understand me and respect me for who i am, then i could eventually be comfortable enough to share such an experience with them. Of course i always wanted that person to be special and upon losing it i really believed he was. When he changed his mind and was done with me i realized I wasn't hurt because i missed him, i was hurt because i realized i failed him, and i was foolish enough to believe i loved him and thought he really wanted to be with me forever. Of course being fifteen I'm still young and naive and i'm sure that i would believe any guy who can sweet talk me.
I know that my body and mind are all i truly own, and my health is something i should be truly thankful for. I can't imagine going through life crippled or blind.. or anything like that. And when i think about these things I realize when the good things turn bad that I really have a lot to be glad for and that a bad breakup isn't the end, but just a new beginning to a new lifestyle and the possibility for someone new and maybe even better.
Just means fate has other things in store for me.
I'm focusing my attention to the bigger goals i have for my future, by thinking about college and what i want to do with my life. I'v wanted to always become a pilot. Although i have a lazy eye. To fly planes you need to have at least 20/25. When visiting an eye doctor back in october i was told nothing can be done to help it. The doctor i saw was a mall eycare center optometrist. Recently i made an appointment with an expensive specialist nearby. I want to see if Lasic is a possibility. If not I need to direct my attention to a more realistic dream.
As for other things, since my recent breakup I'v been recovering well. I realized that how bad he's been treating me. So i may be venting here a bit. I never got to know him well enough when i went out with him. I knew he had liked me while he was dating someone else. He used me to get out of that relationship with her. I only was hearing the part where he liked me. When he broke up with his Girlfriend he made it so i had to break up with my own boyfriend at the same time. It wasnt anything serious and im kind of thankful i got out of that relationship. Although he used to guilt trip me if i hung out with friends. Or he would get paranoid i was cheating on him all the time. It used to make me pretty upset. He always seemed close my best friend as well, he would always text her, give her rides, etc. When i got paranoid he would get mad because I didn't trust him. He used to always reassure me otherwise but then everytime i turned around he did something sketchy. I had little trust for him but i couldn't leave him. Eventually I had to tip-toe around him to keep from hurting him. So i never hung out with my friends and a lot of them stopped speaking to me. He was controlling. He drove me into a deppression. I stayed with him because i thought i could change him but i couldn't. He eventually left me because i was bringing him down. But he was the cause of it.
He is definitely dating my best friend now. But I have moved on for sure. I'm a bit afraid of the decision iv made to commit myself into another relationship, but high school is too short and I don't wanna miss a chance of being with someone great because I'm afraid of being hurt again. He seems really great, and I'm pretty sure he likes me a lot. So i'v got my fingers crossed hoping that he'll treat me well and I'll be doing my best to treat him well. I really do not want to have a very sexual relationship. But that is what i told myself with the last. I guess it's only human to have urges to have sex. But if this guy likes me enough he'll respect my decisions and ideals.
We're really only born with very few things that truly do belong to us. Our bodies, and our minds. One thing commonly forgotten is our virginity. To some people it's a big deal and to others it's not. For me i never thought it was ever something spiritual and amazing, only church-going boys and girls believe that. I knew that if i felt like someone could really understand me and respect me for who i am, then i could eventually be comfortable enough to share such an experience with them. Of course i always wanted that person to be special and upon losing it i really believed he was. When he changed his mind and was done with me i realized I wasn't hurt because i missed him, i was hurt because i realized i failed him, and i was foolish enough to believe i loved him and thought he really wanted to be with me forever. Of course being fifteen I'm still young and naive and i'm sure that i would believe any guy who can sweet talk me.
I know that my body and mind are all i truly own, and my health is something i should be truly thankful for. I can't imagine going through life crippled or blind.. or anything like that. And when i think about these things I realize when the good things turn bad that I really have a lot to be glad for and that a bad breakup isn't the end, but just a new beginning to a new lifestyle and the possibility for someone new and maybe even better.
Just means fate has other things in store for me.
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